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The (No-Tears) Guide To Getting The Wedding You Want!
Planning a wedding is stressful at the best of times. But if your future mother-in-law is bossier than Anne Robinson and your parents are acting like they’ve just stepped out of Jerry Springer, can your day ever run smoothly? We asked Karen Ali, a life coach who specialises in dealing with pre-wedding stresses, how to handle the most common dilemmas – and keep everyone smiling!
Step 1
Know What You Want
There’s an old saying, “Every bride has the wedding her mother wanted” and if your idea of the perfect day is a relaxed, intimate affair, you can bet that your mother (and everyone else, come to think of it) will be singing from a totally different hymn sheet. “During the first stages of planning a wedding it can be really easy for well meaning family and friends to get carried away, but this is the time to reign them in gently, whilst still getting the wedding you want,” explains Karen. So whether you are being bombarded with visions of Bo Peep bridesmaid dresses (complete with sheep) or the “wacky” idea of having your uncle dust off his LPs and turn FatBoy Slim for the night, take a step back and ask yourself honestly – what do I want? It’s your day after all.
How to do it
“Start by closing your eyes and imagining your wedding day – use the images, sounds and feelings that come to mind as your blueprint,” suggests Karen. “Then armed with this information, explain to people why certain aspects of the wedding are important to you. Remember that friends and family want this day to be really special for both of you and they will do anything to ensure your happiness.”
Step 2
Learn How To Say No
Now your plans are in shape, it is time to think about money – where it is going to come from and how to spend it. Traditionally, the father of the bride would cover all wedding costs, but as both families tend to contribute today, the situation is becoming increasingly complicated. Perhaps you have been handed a guest list the length of War and Peace or simply find yourself nodding to suggestions you are not keen on so you don’t appear ungrateful. Whatever the problem, it is important to realise that while yes, money can talk, it does not always have to get the last word – have confidence in your ideas and your right to make choices.
How to do it
“Obviously your budget will effect what can and can’t be done but once this has been agreed you should have full choice as to how you want your day to be. You can say no – just find a way of saying it that honours their generosity, but also honours how the two of you want your big day to be,” says Karen. Still not convinced? Another pain-free way to gain back some control is to open a separate bank account for wedding expenses. You can then ask contributors to pay in a predetermined amount without unnecessary comparisons or “I’m paying for this” guilt trips.
Step 3
Tackle Potential Blow-Ups Head On
Our final nightmare comes in the form of the parent/step parent situation, that dreadful niggling feeling that they will drown out the best man’s speech (if not the whole day) with their constant bickering. Be warned that tensions have a nasty habit of making themselves felt if not dealt with properly beforehand (especially after a few drinks), so be brave and face the problem as soon as possible. Believe us, you will sleep better for it!
How to do it
First of all keep everything in perspective. “One thing I have learned from my clients is that we can make up catastrophic fantasies in our minds about how people will react, but more often than not, the reality isn’t half as bad as we might have thought,” says Karen. “Both sets of parents are there for you and want to see you have the best day of your life and are unlikely to want to ruin it by arguing. If this still isn’t enough, speak to them and let them know your concerns and that you value both sets of parents being there. This way you’re still telling them how much you love them and how much it means to you for them to be there for you on your day.”
Karen offers complimentary 30-minute sample sessions and can be contacted through her website, www.karenali.co.uk.
NEXT STEPS
Book a complimentary, no obligation, telephone coaching session:
CALL 020 7681 4823 info@karenali.co.uk